Scene Etiquette

Written By: Priestess Desire

So you’ve been interested in kink for a while but you have never taken that next step into a venue. My first time I was terrified. I thought people would touch me or make me play against my consent.

The reality of my experience was the opposite. The kink community in my town has been the most open clear and supportive group of humans I have ever met. Like every community there are ripples.. humans!

Once I stepped through those doors, I felt like I had found my home. I think if you are a decent human, you will be fine, but it helps to actually know the rules that are not much spoken about unless you fuck up.

There is a culture of expectation that will change from state and country but either way these guidelines are a great way to hold yourself in a respectable and non-invasive way so you can enjoy all the fun without stepping on toes

As an observer:

It’s a beautiful gift being able to observe someone sharing such an intimate moment. It is their moment not yours and its important you contain your own space and don’t interrupt theirs. This can be energetic, verbal, or physical

• Make sure you stay outside of the play space.
• Watch quietly. This is not a time to ask questions or be part of the side line cheer squad
• If it triggers you or you’re not enjoying it just quietly remove yourself. There is no need to show disgust or make rude noises. You are in a kink venue, and you will be challenged by what you see sometimes
• If you feel like something isn’t right then alert a DM, security, or the owner of the venue. Without experience it be difficult to tell what is and isn’t ok.
• Only help if the participant signals you for help of something is happening in the background they can’t see or there is a serious threat that is obviously unintentional.

As a participant:

• Be mindful of others waiting to use the space. Some venues have a time limit of an hour. But if you are in an intense scene this can be tricky. I guess the best advice here is to just be polite at the end and move along when you feel you can. Do your aftercare somewhere else and let someone else enjoy the night.
• Clean up your mess. Most places have cleaning supplies. Clean down surfaces and leave everything neat and tidy
• If you are planning a scene that might be risky or impact those participating watching, make sure you discuss it with the DM beforehand.  
• It is the tops responsibility to check the safety of the furniture or equipment. Never assume it safe.
• If you are planning a scene its best to hold off on drinking or drugs. Your judgement on safe practice might be impaired under the influence.
• Get to know the people you are playing with and understand the activity you are getting involved in.

Don’t be afraid to spend time watching and observing. Be there for the long haul not for a single moment.